Tuesday, June 7, 2011

The Devil's Mantra

First, this is my favorite quote of the day.
"It's every bit as cool as Micheal Bolton, black socks with sandals, and smoking in a crowded elevator." -David, aka Divot
In this case, they were referring to the Toyota Prius.

Moving right along, I had intended to write today about my early morning coffee run, as a follow up to the last post. It was not to be. As I pedaled away from the coffee shop, with horror I realized I was humming this:

Delta Dawn, whats that flower you have on? Could it be a faded rose from days gone by? And did I hear him say, he was meeting you here today, to take you to his mansion in the sky?

And it strangely fit to the cadence of my pedals.

To be honest, I don't know if it was the Helen Reddy version or the Tanya Tucker version ( or god help me, the Bette Midler version), but the shame and anguish is the same.  It was a Helen Reddy/Tanya Tucker song, from  a guy who used to take his dates in college to see The Ramones and who used to scream along to Suffragette City, even in middle school.

Trying to make me feel better by pointing out that they were both kinda hot is a nice try...BUT THAT WAS IN 1972!!

I won't even post pictures of them, even in their 1972ish glory days, as that would bring me down even more.

Deborah Harry was hot too. Why couldn't I be humming Blondie tunes if I was destined to hum songs by female vocalists?

It was  miserable, it was like humming the Devil's own mantra and no matter how much it hurt, I could not get it out of my head.

How did that song get into my head? Was it playing in the background at the coffee shop? Typically they play Jimmy Buffet type music, so possible, but unlikely.

Maybe the caffeine fired up a very dusty,atrophied, cranky, evil neuron from my youth? Delta Dawn was certainly a feature of one or two of the 8-track tapes that got endless reply during our long family vacation drives to the Midwest. It could have been  buried in there for decades, just awaiting its time to rise, like a pop music cicada.

 Another odd 8-track tape that got endless play was "The Monkees and the Beatles Greatest Hits", which was  admittedly a strange combination in retrospect. What producer thought that a good match would be one of the most talented  bands of all time, and a made for TV goof troop? However, to be honest,  I would be much more likely to crank "Last Train to Clarksville" than "Yellow Submarine" nowadays. I just like the Monkees better. Go figure. But  any song from that tape would have been at least okay. Certainly less hellish than "Delta Dawn".

But if we are going to pull a song from the early 70's, why not something from David Bowie's Ziggy Stardust? Some of the finest ever. Odd cadence to pedal to though, but maybe if I still had my old Bio-Pace chain rings...

But Noooooooo..... Delta Dawn. Delta friggin' Dawn...

It just keep coming and coming, wave after wave of the same lines. I couldn't remember any other parts of the song, but I could not get rid of the lines  I did know. Like eating bad oysters, they just kept spewing forth, no matter how much you wished it was just over...

In the end, the only cure was a couple of all out sprints that pushed me into ugly  VO2max 
red zone territory. I was almost puking and ready to pass out, gasping for air so hard, I couldn't even hum, but it fixed the issue. I like to think I actually killed those brain cells from oxygen starvation so that they never come back to haunt me, but  instead, I can't remember any of second grade now..

-Evil C.

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Thank you for your comments, you simpering fool. Now, await your destiny. Or have a cocktail, something fruity, maybe with one of those little umbrellas.